Solving Relationship Problems

By following the previous exercises and guidelines, you’ve created a good, solid decision that will help you be successful in your relationship.

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Most problems can be solved before they become disasters if you deal with them early and approach them with a team spirit of solving them together. Make an appointment: Don’t ambush each other with a problem, especially when you’re getting ready for bed, rushing off to work or having an intimate evening.

If you get into an argument that’s building, stop it by making an appointment to discuss the issue later. Will you have time tonight after dinner (or this weekend, or tomorrow afternoon)?

Do not get into who’s right or wrong, but focus on understanding each other and coming up with a solution. Generate Options: Take turns challenging each other to come up with the best solution for the problem.

Have fun with it, don’t be afraid to be silly, and you’ll free up your thinking so you’ll come up with more creative options. Discuss the possibilities: When you have enough ideas of what to do, discuss them: which solutions would be best for both of you?

Once you become familiar with the process, the formality of the meeting will relax, problems will be minor, and you can use the time for bonding, sharing stories and experiences, and creating quality time together.

Make it a habit to sit down on a weekly basis with your partner or family, and discuss everything about your relationship, positive and problematic, and how it’s going for each of you. At the meeting, each person present can follow these steps: 1.Ask for an agreement that your partner will hear and understand what you’re saying without interrupting.• Then, ask your partner for his or her opinion of what you can do together to fix the problem.It can even help to write it down, in case your memory is different later.If find yourself disagreeing about what you decided, you can check with your written agreement.You can go back and follow these steps any time you’re having trouble finding a solution or making a decision.They work great even when a previously made decision needs renegotiation.• If you want to change the way you approach each other for intimacy, try some silly solutions and some more serious ones: Ring a bell, do the chicken dance, put on romantic music, offer a glass of wine or juice in a special glass, invite your partner to cuddle on the couch.• If there’s a household chore that’s bugging you, try setting a deadline to get it done, or a reward for doing it.Now you need to know how to carry it out successfully. Somewhere, in the back of your mind, may be a little “escape clause.” That is, you’ve silently and mentally reserved the right not to really be invested in making your decision work. Breaking your goal down into the smallest possible steps makes it easier to accomplish the next phase: Do something.If you allow the escape clause to be there, you won’t be able to follow through on the decision. Those steps may seem simplistic, but that’s the idea. That way you won’t be discouraged by “I can’t” before you start. Many of us know how to set goals, but not how to achieve them, so we’ve “proved” to ourselves over and over that we’re failures. The failure lies in not having completed the rest of the Four Steps to Success.


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